For some reason, I can’t recall many of my friends ever picking Squirtle as their starter Pokémon. As a result, I don’t have as many memories of this cute turtle like I do with Bulbasaur and Charmander.

Just like I mentioned in my Charmander article, Squirtle’s design is nothing super complicated, but it’s still highly recognizable and lovable. Personally, I think it looks best in the spinoff manga The Electric Tale of Pikachu.

That’s not to say the official design is “bad”. I just like the idea of its hands and feet looking more amphibious, instead of them being almost identical to Charmander’s. The panel above also shows that Squirtle can uncurl its tail for balancing purposes. I have no clue if this concept is still being used, but it’s an interesting idea for a turtle to do nevertheless.

Unfortunately, there’s nothing extremely exciting happening in Squirtle’s Pokédex entries. It’s your average turtle, but with water propulsion capabilities. Again, there’s nothing wrong with it having a “plane jane” biography; it just makes it tricky for me to write a decent article over.

Oh, it would be silly of me not to quickly throw some nostalgia at the Squirtle Squad!

Look at those tiny turtles acting all tough!

I’m impressed with how different a character’s face can look simply by sticking on ears. If it weren’t for that small feature, Wartortle’s head would be exactly the same as Squirtle’s, except with teeth.

I’ve actually gone this long without realizing that Wartortle’s ears and tail are comprised of fur! Being that reptiles and amphibians are known for their scales, the idea of them also growing hair is highly fascinating.

Wartortle’s entire concept revolves around the Japanese legend of the minogame, a 10,000 year old turtle said to have grown a long tail made of seaweed. If you were wondering why some Pokédex entries are oddly specific about Wartortle’s longevity, that’s why.

Bulbapedia suggests that there’s a real-world tie in to Wartortle storing air in its tail: the fact that certain species of turtles breathe through their cloaca – a.k.a. their anus. I partially forgot that they can do that. That’s a nice mental image I needed about this Pokémon.

Out of the previous mid-staged starter Pokémon I’ve reviewed, Wartortle’s fur theme makes it the most interesting “2.0” evolution.

It’s hard to start a conversation about Blastoise without focusing on the cannons jutting out of its shell. This is Blastoise’s most prominent feature, after all. What’s not to love about a tank tortoise?

I think Blastoise’s cannons are a perfect blend between simplified, abstract shapes and taking the source material literally. There’s just enough information to easily read what they are without overpowering the character’s design as a whole.

To illustrate what I mean, take into account how some Digimon quite literally have guns strapped to their bodies in some manner:

I’m sure Blastoise would look fine even if its cannons went for a realistic approach. However, I award bonus points for its official concept taking a different approach.

The rest of Blastoise’s design compliments its tank concept well. It’s bulky and heavy so it can brace itself for the thrust behind its cannons. Some Pokédex entries suggest that its water bullets can punch through solid steel! Just looking at Blastoise makes me believe it’s possible!

When you’re a tank tortoise, how can things possibly get better? With bigger cannons, obviously!

Mega Blastoise’s single, ginormous cannon atop its back is absurd. And then there are the two smaller ones fused to its arms! When I first saw Mega Blastoise, I couldn’t help but laugh at how comical it all looked, but I say that with positive connotations. Mega Blastoise isn’t trying to take itself too seriously, in contrast to how Charizard and its Megas try to convey a “sleek” and “tough” look.

Other points of interest include Mega Blastoise’s face, in which its eyebrows and ears are connected together in one seamless shape. It’s something aesthetically pleasing to my eyes. In addition, I like how its toes are positioned in a similar manner to certain combat mech concepts. In other words, it’s so Mega Blastoise has its feet solidly planted while it fires the even more powerful cannon on its back. One can only imagine how much force that thing launches compared to its previous form!

For me, Mega Blastoise doesn’t express pure “toughness” so much as over-the-top silliness with its exaggerated cannons. That’s not a bad thing, though. It’s great to see a Mega Evolution that’s just fun.

Gigantamax Review: Added January 31, 2021

In contrast to Mega Blastoise’s purposefully silly design, the Gigantamax form feels like a serious and rugged approach to this weaponized turtle. It’s awesome that Blastoise gets options from both extremes.

And yet, some of the goofiness persists. If you thought Gigantamax Venusaur’s flower overwhelmed the camera, Blastoise and its shell have a retort.

(Screenshot taken from footage by Mixeli)

Even with a whopping 31 cannons, Gigantamax Blastoise has an impressively clean design. I love how its mountainous shell is split into multiple tiers, with a single giant cannon at its peak.

I’m a bit on the fence – almost forgiving – when it comes to Blastoise’s minimal animations. There are a flurry of particle effects added to its signature attack. It feels like compensation for the lack of movement elsewhere.

(Video also from Mixeli)

To be fair, even if Blastoise had more kickback during this attack, it would be lost to the blinding deluge of cannonfire.

Gigantamax Blastoise gets away with things that I slammed Venusaur over. I think the camera-hogging shell is fine, and the limited animations don’t bother me as much. I suppose they’re better justified in this instance.