Oh, great; it’s time to review Ponyta and Rapidash, two Pokémon I don’t want to roll my eyes at, but will for reasons that will become apparent later on.

Listen, that last jab at Ponyta and Rapidash doesn’t mean I don’t like horses. They’re gorgeous animals and are a marvel to behold. They’re incredibly agile, hardy, and deceptively powerful with their skinny legs.

And as a cartoon horse, Ponyta is downright adorable. Its compact design manages to capture horse anatomy with surprising accuracy.

Undoubtedly, what really steals the show is Ponyta’s literal fire hair. It may not be a new concept (the Greeks had Helios and his fiery steeds, for instance), but it’s still thrilling to see anyways. I love how Ponyta’s mane transitions into its tail as one continuous streak of flame. The smaller embers at its knees and ankles are also nice, as they help balance out an otherwise plain composition.

It’s just a shame that outside of aesthetic appearances, there’s nothing extravagant about Ponyta to review. Despite being an herbivorous creature that naturally dons a small bonfire on its back, it lives an otherwise ordinary life like those of real-world foals. Most of its Pokédex entries detail its feebleness at birth until it strengthens its legs. It’s nothing as fancy as Helios’ horses, that’s for sure.

That is, unless a couple stray Pokédex entries are to be taken seriously. Allegedly, Ponyta can casually bound over the Eiffel Tower in a single leap. If you count the tip of the building, that’s 1,063 feet (324 meters)!

Why have so few Pokémon games talked about this amazing natural talent? More importantly, who was the scientist who discovered this small pony could leap that high? What’s going on in Ponyta’s natural habitat that it needed this ability?!

Ponyta would benefit from a more detailed biography, but I still think it’s a decent character.

…What. No seriously Game Freak, what?!

This is embarrassingly bad. Forgive my cynicism, but I’d go as far as to say that Rapidash is one of the laziest designs in all of Pokémon. Change the shape of the fire a little, glue a horn to its forehead, and bam, there’s your evolution for Ponyta.

The most frustrating part is that Rapidash’s fire mane is perfect for shaping into something more eye-catching. Giant pegasus wings are an obvious candidate. Even engulfing Rapidash’s body with bigger flames would stand out better.

Maybe Ponyta should’ve had a stockier build compared to Rapidash. That way, the two would stand apart from each other, and chubby Ponyta could transform into a nimble, race-worthy show horse.

Truth be told, Rapidash led my childhood self to believe that horses were “too difficult” a subject to turn into unique character designs. If this was the “best” that Game Freak could do, it seemed like a logical belief.

Fortunately, that’s not the case with today’s full roster of Pokémon, even if only a couple more horses or horse-like relatives are on the list.

As for Rapidash, it’s a huge and ugly blemish on Game Freak’s otherwise great track record of character designs. I may have only scratched the surface with my Pokémon critiques, but they’ve already shown much stronger material from the franchise. A design like this is just inexcusable.

Galarian Review: Added June 6, 2020

Of all the Pokémon I’ve reviewed so far, Ponyta and (more importantly) Rapidash definitely needed a revisit from Game Freak’s art department. Since their Galar forms are so thematically similar, I’ll be reviewing them at the same time in this section.

This iteration of the two Pokémon are incredibly safe, but still pleasant designs. The most callous analysis I can make is that they’re visually closer to the dime-a-dozen pony toys marketed to girls. Even so, I don’t think that automatically makes them total garbage. I can’t find the energy to get angry over the bright yet calming pastels and curly-striped horns that make this Ponyta and Rapidash cute in their own right.

And for Rapidash, literally anything different in its design is a significant improvement. Galarian Rapidash evokes strong Lisa Frank nostalgia for me, except if designed by artists who know how to utilize color theory that doesn’t make the viewer’s eyes bleed.

I still rank Kanto Ponyta and its striking fiery mane higher than its Galar form, and higher still over both Rapidashes. I’m mostly just thankful that Rapidash wasn’t left in the dust for a second time and got some proper attention in its new design. I don’t have a lot to say about these inoffensive revamped Pokémon, but I don’t have anything against their existence.